One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Terrible idea I love it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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