my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
