Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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