The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize