somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
