My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize