I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
