I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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