Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
