after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
