Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The Olympian is in my bed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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