just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
