First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
