I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize