No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
