well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Do plants get herpes?
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