when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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