This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
