OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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