I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
