Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
