the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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