youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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