I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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