Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
True college students do jello shots in the library
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
