I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
