Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
