Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
that may or may not have been my penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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