i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
