A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need to calm my uterus...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
