no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
