So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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