I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
