saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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