I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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