i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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