i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
