she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
