I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
