i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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