The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
