she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
