the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize