I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
