its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
don't judge my taste in strippers
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
ok first of all what the fuck
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
