just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
