How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
