guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I lost the right to judge tonight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
