Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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