I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
