I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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