first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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