We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
whose parrot is this?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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