What did we do last night that was yellow?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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