Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found puke in my bra..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize