I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
