what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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