Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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