Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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