My brain says no but my pants say off.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
