umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
