you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
