Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
