When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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