she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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